


Growing up is a little harder to do

by obenio



Category: Gintama
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Author Is Sleep Deprived, Brother-Sister Relationships, Character Study, Dadtoki, Developing Relationship, Everybody is a Little Mature, Everybody is a little shit, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Family Issues, Father-Daughter Relationship, Future Fic, Growing Up, Hijikata is a Little Shit, Hijikata is an Influencer, Platonic Relationships, Relationship Issues, Shinpachi has a Sister Complex, Shinpachi is a Little Shit, Sougo is a little shit, kagura is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obenio/pseuds/obenio
Summary: The number of times "unusual", "uncharacteristically" and "silence" was written in this work proves that everybody is actually growing up for once.
Relationships: Kagura/Okita Sougo, Kondou Isao/Shimura Tae
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	Growing up is a little harder to do

**Author's Note:**

> My first work for the Gintama fandom. I hope I got the characters right. I apologize for this long one-shot.
> 
> Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. I'm just a mere brat who has nothing to do for quarantine.

Uncharacteristically dark, for some reason, Gintoki felt like seeing the same image from a distant and vague memory. His eyes squinted at the dark atmosphere that the living room emitted. The table was smashed, the couches were disarrayed, the _kotatsu_ smashed to bits, his desk, barely moved an inch, but full of dust. His chair though, was somewhere in the corner of the room, silently wallowing in the horror it had witnessed. From a distance, near the entrance of the apartment, he could see their shoe cabinet, utterly destroyed. Sadaharu was asleep on one corner, his chest rising and falling in a calming pace. He might have looked cute too. Gintoki sighed and stared at the ceiling, it was mostly intact, but with a few scratches here and there, but he thought to himself, somehow, after all that staring at the ceiling, he recognized that those marks were already there before all this chaos happened.

He walked into the kitchen— _thank the gods, it was still intact!_ Gintoki let out a breath he did not mean to hold. He sauntered to the fridge and opened the door, fishing out a cup of ice cream that he somehow managed to save by hiding it behind the piles of Tupperware that Shinpachi hoarded. Gintoki did not even know if these foods he stored and saved were still even edible, but he would find out eventually, when one of them gets food poisoning, that is.

Money was surprisingly not an issue for a while as they had good, stable job requests for the past weeks. Yorozuya was finally getting the recognition, he supposed, it deserves. People have knocked on their doors, asking them to take over their stores, to privately investigate on their person of interest, to find missing persons or missing items. Miraculously, they had performed well, despite the chaos they caused all over town and occasionally, escaping from the angry mob of people or the old lady downstairs or the Shinsengumi—one time, all at the same time.

No wonder there was so much leftover food on their small fridge. He remembered that a woman came in the office, asking to investigate her fiancée, about his background, what was that he likes or dislikes. The woman came rapping her knuckles during the night and Kagura had answered the door. Gintoki remembered getting up groggily from his warm futon and making his way to the couch, only to doze off again. Kagura was more than willing to listen to the woman’s story, occasionally waking up Gintoki from his slumber because of her emotional outbursts.

_“I’m nervous, Kagura-san,” the woman said, clutching the seams of her kimono. “I don’t even know him, I don’t even know his face! All I know is that his name is Lord Usui and that he is rich and powerful. We are only going to meet each other for the first time at our wedding date and that scares me. I heard about you from one of my servants and snuck out here with her help. Please… I beg you, could you please investigate Lord Usui for me and tell me anything about him… just give me a clue of who he is. I want to bring honor to my family, and I want to be a dutiful and great wife—I promise to pay a hefty price for it!”_

Gintoki opened his eyes at the mention of money and felt the surge of determination flowing through his veins. Kagura replied instead, accepting the request. She might have been swayed with the woman’s story but she was much more attracted to the promise of a hefty pay. Then, the _shoji_ door slid open again and another woman, slightly older and familiar, barged in, saying that she spotted some of the servants of their household patrolling around the vicinity, searching for her. Kagura was quick to grab her umbrella and her scarf and willingly escorted them back to their home. It was almost one in the morning that night when Kagura returned, Gintoki remembered and he greeted her lazily at the door. But he noticed something different about her. Despite her different clothing, her cerulean eyes, so full of life—like the sky—looked like drowning in the deep dim ocean. It flickered for a moment before she padded her way to the kitchen, donning a jovial façade as she grabbed the last cup of ice cream and dug in for a midnight snack. Gintoki did not want to know the reason for that momentary second of gloom in her eyes and so he did not argue when she took the ice cream which he originally had saved for himself.

 _Seriously, women these days_. Gintoki thought, biting into his strawberry ice cream, recalling the events of that mission.

The mission, though disappointing and appalling, had been finished without much trouble (a miracle, if Shinpachi could comment), the information they had managed to gather on the one-week timespan they were given was submitted back to their client’s servant a week before the wedding. It turns out that Lord Usui was an ugly and obese glutton who was very immature and obsessed with anime. The woman though, was still thankful for the information she was given and, through her servant, gave her payment and an invitation to her wedding. Honestly, Gintoki could care less about the wedding, finding it baffling that a courteous woman like her could submit herself to a lifetime with a dumb, spoiled rich boy. He was more enthusiastic about the banquet of food that came after, which explains the numerous Tupperware piling on their fridge. Kagura was enthusiastic about eating and went back to the banquet table about seven times before she claimed she was satisfied. Gintoki felt suspicious about it. Normally, Kagura would never even return to their table and ate from the banquet table (going far as camping beside the banquet table to have first dibs on the food) and would have finished as much as she could, but she had the nerve to grab a plate and stuff it with food, actually sit back at their table and eat as normally as possible and return back to the banquet table, like how a normal person would. Even the number of times ‘normal’ was written in the last sentence was not befitting with Kagura. It was not the only thing baffling Gintoki that night—Kagura stopped at the seventh plate, claiming that she was full. Gintoki sighed, it was not the time for Kagura to be conscious about her eating habits. The crazy girl was very fit, as if she did not just devour an entire banquet table, full of scrumptious, luxurious and fatty food. Maybe because she was already twenty and matured, but Gintoki could only laugh at that possibility. Gintoki stayed silent though, he did not even reprimand Shinpachi for bringing home a lot of Tupperware and just casually laid on the couch and picked on his nose.

Speaking of Shinpachi, Gintoki does not know if the glasses-boy knew of Kagura’s sudden change in behavior. Sure, Kagura matured into a very capable young woman. Her body matured, however, how she acted, how she dressed, how she talked—it was all the same. As someone who has been with Kagura for six years, possibly more (Gintoki was bad at counting), Gintoki prided that he knows Kagura very well, perhaps, even more than her actual family. Shinpachi would say the same, he was sure, but he acted indifferent during Kagura’s change in behavior, as if it was not happening. Sometimes Gintoki wondered if four eyes were not enough for Shinpachi.

Gintoki had finished his ice cream without knowing. He scooped the last bits of cream from the plastic cup and threw it down the garbage can. He felt much more relaxed now. Scrambling out of the kitchen, on route to the bedroom, Gintoki felt restless after the sweet midnight power-up— _might as well reread this week’s Shounen Jump._ The man passed by Sadaharu, patting the giant mutt on his head, then, he passed by Kagura’s makeshift bedroom—the supply closet, actually—and his mind wandered back to Kagura yet again. Gintoki knew he had not been fair to the growing woman—for the first time in a year (maybe? Gintoki could not recall), he had paid them their salary with a lousy ten thousand yen (both of them were not happy but accepted it nonetheless), and he could not forget that Kagura was still sleeping in that crummy closet that she might not fit in anymore. Teenage years did some magic on the girl after all. Kagura grew in height and she and Shinpachi were almost neck in neck. It surprises Gintoki how much change Kagura went through and he was just noticing it now. Shinpachi did some growing too. His face was much more defined, with sharper features. He was taller, shoulders broad and torso lean. Shinpachi was far from that timid, little sixteen-year old he saved long ago. Eyes were sharper, his movement agile and his skill with the sword no doubt exceeds expectation. It impresses him every time. No doubt, the boy had grown some muscle in there too—Shinpachi was definitely stronger, much _much_ stronger. His voice was a few tones deeper too—though it was not evident because of his high-pitched bellowing most of the time. _I’m getting too old,_ Gintoki thought. _I shouldn’t be reminiscing like this. Totally uncool for the protagonist_.

Hell, even he knew Shinpachi was facing some problems on his own and that he refused to tell dear old Gin-san too. Gintoki knew that behind the glasses, there was a forlorn look on the man’s eyes that he could not quite grasp. He dared not to act on it, and settled with waiting for both the two young adults to tell about their problems, but it was disturbing him like hell, even if he does not like to admit it.

As if he had some sort of distant and vague memory of seeing both Kagura and Shinpachi older and more mature. Shinpachi was no longer the “straight man” character and finally gets some spotlight to kick some punks’ asses and Kagura became a total tsundere, finally making good use of her voice actress. It appeared in some dream, he likes to think. He did not expect that it would come to reality, though.

He tottered past the bathroom and found the lights suspiciously open. At this wee hour of the night, Gintoki thinks that the mug of tea Kagura consumed a few hours ago had finally taken its toll on her bladder. He slowly reels back to the events of that night. Why the living room was destroyed like this…

 _A celebration. Shinpachi was getting the hotpot ready for their dinner by putting in the vegetables, he was humming along another Otsu-chan song, gracing a smile on his face as he does so. Kagura emerged from the kitchen, a huge-ass bottle of sake on one hand and bowls and chopsticks on the other, excitedly sauntering towards the_ kotatsu _. Sadaharu was jumping around the apartment, barking with glee. Shinpachi gently scolded the dog to calm down and the dog replied with biting him in the head. The only woman in the room called the giant mutt and patted him with affection and the dog lied down beside her, embracing her with warmth. It was always warm inside the Yorozuya apartment, however, this particular night, the air was unusually cold._

 _It was nearing the end of winter; the snow had almost melted completely and the temperature was getting much warmer, however, in the last attempts of winter, the atmosphere grew colder and everyone grimaced in having to wear heavy layers tonight. However, despite the weather, the Yorozuya trio was comfortable inside their apartment, the savory smell of the_ sukiyaki _hotpot spreading throughout the room, the warmth emitted from the smoke and the_ kotatsu _helped also. Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura impatiently waited for the hotpot to be ready, their mouths watering, their hands clutching at their chopsticks tight. They were finally able to purchase some high-quality meat after the success of their last job. It was also a celebration after paying two months’ worth of rent to the landlady who eagerly gave them a bottle of booze to help them celebrate (of course, the Yorozuya had to pay, still)._

_Bizarrely, Shinpachi had been the first to pour himself a glass of sake and chug it down in one gulp. Kagura had laughed at Shinpachi’s behavior and poured him another glass, shoving it up to his mouth._

_“I should get first servings,” Gintoki said, picking the first piece of savory beef from the pot. However, before his chopsticks could lift the piece, a pair of chopsticks stopped him. Gintoki glared at the perpetrator who was glaring back at him. “Oi Kagura, what the hell?”_

_“I ain’t letting you get most of the meat, yes,” Kagura threatened. “You are only after the meat, Gin-chan, yes?”_

_“Of course not, Kagura-chan,” Gintoki gritted, trying to fight Kagura off with his chopsticks. “What makes you say that?”_

_“Don’t ‘Kagura-chan’ me,” Kagura spat, using her free hand to shove a fist on Gintoki’s nose._

_“Oi, oi! You two, knock it off!” Shinpachi scolded. “There is plenty of meat for everyone!”_

_Shinpachi was about to grab his first piece of meat when chopsticks flew in his direction and hits his hand. He grunted and glared at both Kagura and Gintoki, “I’m not letting you get these pieces of meat! I bought them and cooked them—”_

_Before he knew it, Gintoki went crashing towards him, stirring the table and the some of the soup flew out of the pot. Shinpachi had thrown Gintoki off him and stopped Kagura from grabbing the pieces of meat using his palm to smash it into her face, ramming her to the edge of the room. The pieces of meat she had managed to gather flew in the air and Shinpachi immediately grabbed a pair of chopsticks and a bowl to catch them when he was suddenly kicked from the side and thrown off balance. Gintoki had a victorious smirk as he grabbed the pieces of meat and popped them into his mouth._

_It had been a grueling battle, battling over the hotpot on who would get the most meat eaten. After all these years, some habits, some scenes had replayed itself and the battle ended with the hotpot mostly spilling everywhere, the stove exploding, their faces bruised, and pretty much everything on the ground destroyed—_

Gintoki stopped abruptly.

There was an unfamiliar sound emitting from the bathroom. A sound he has not heard in over a long time. Gintoki did not want to pry and be too concerned about it, but it did not sit very well with him. The man let himself sigh and his hand went over his nape and massaged it, easing the tension he felt all of a sudden. He listened from the door—the faucet was loud and running, but that was not the most notable sound, rather it was the hiccupping, the whimpering, the grunting noises he faintly heard, trying to be overshadowed by the running water, but no, Kagura’s cries can never be overshadowed by some faucet.

It took a while before he heard the water sloshing, clattering and colliding with the tiled floor. She stopped crying, Gintoki thought—more like, he hoped. When the water stopped and silence overtook the bathroom, Gintoki started walking away and reached for the _shoji_ , opening it slightly, enough for his body to slip through.

“Gin-chan,” Kagura’s voice was unusually soft and weak.

At this, Sadaharu was suddenly up.

“Don’t cry, it makes you look old,” Gintoki murmured, before he entered his room, closing the _shoji_ gently.

Apparently, after the battle for the hotpot, their night did not end there.

* * *

Shinpachi entered the old, almost tattered dojo, his wooden sword strapped securely on his waist, his expression dim. It’s a restless night for him with all his energy still boiling his insides. His sister is already asleep at this hour, he thinks, and so Shinpachi had to carefully sneak out.

When he arrived home, he was met with a swift kick from his sister, gabbing and complaining endlessly about how late he arrived home. Usually this is where Shinpachi would try to argue back that he was already twenty-two and he could take care of himself, or he would have the excuse of going out on a late job with the Yorozuya, but he could neither speak of those things. He was bruised and grazed and reeking of hotpot and sake. Tae had sensed that another brawl occurred in the Yorozuya with them fighting over hotpot but what she noticed most was the crestfallen look on his face. Tae had been quick to prepare a bath for her younger brother without another word.

The relaxation did not even last long for Shinpachi. When he was under his futon, he twisted and turned, recalling the almost fun night the Yorozuya had. Of course, he had put in an effort to make it fun for everybody, including himself. He chose the best ingredients in the market, not caring if what he paid for was a little more expensive than usual. The Yorozuya had acquired a great paycheck from a hotshot rich hag and they decided to go all out. There was little spare change, promoting him to take a little from his own wallet to buy a huge ass bottle of sake from Otose and the old hag was kind enough to give them one of the most expensive bottles in her bar without charging what it actually costed. Fighting with Gin-san and Kagura-chan over the pieces of meat while Sadaharu barked at them from the side, biting their heads and their asses, planted a small, adorable smile on his face. However, it was overthrown with a huge, annoying frown. Shinpachi twisted and turned, trying to get tonight’s event off his mind, but to no avail, he felt the surge of emotions coursing through his body. Hell, he had no right to feel these emotions and yet, he was frustrated, he was hurt, he was a bit angry and so he stood up, snuck out and took out his energy on the dojo.

The past few weeks have been heavy on him but he dared not comment on it, dared not to think of it. He focused on his job at the Yorozuya, and it calmed him despite the wacky jobs they get. Shinpachi stared at his wooden sword, old and cracked, he knew he had to smoothen out the splinters and the unevenness of the blade. He sat down at the _engawa_ , hardly panting. He was not tired, not even sweating, but he urged himself to stop swinging the wooden blade.

Shinpachi adjusted his glasses. It had slipped when he lowered his head. The moon was glowing bright and full, he let himself bask in the moonlight, puffing out the cold winter air, hugging his weapon and resting by the wooden frames.

“What a night,” he murmured.

The way he clutched Kagura’s arms, pulling her back, trying to soothe her with his words to get her to calm down. The way her nails bore into his skin, it had almost wounded him. He winced as it stung when he finally dipped himself in hot water earlier in the evening, now the marks were almost gone but touching them still stung. He still remembers the caliber of her yelling, trying to get him to release her, trying to get _him_ to leave. He remembered, seeing in his peripheral vision, Gintoki was shutting the door of the apartment, a stern look in his eyes, a face he has not seen in a long time. _Gin-san must have been frustrated too,_ Shinpachi thought. There was also aggression in Sadaharu’s barks. The dog almost bolted at the door with his fangs ready and the intent to bite someone’s head off. Gintoki stopped the crazy dog before it could lunge at the door, injuring himself in the process. When Gintoki forced him to go home, saying that he’ll take care of the mess, he chuckled a little, thinking for sure that the damage will still be there by the time he returned to the Yorozuya office. Shinpachi could only sigh after that, the smile withered away once again.

What had happened, he did not want to remember. Besides, that is supposed to be Kagura’s problem. While he was willing to support her, like he had been for weeks now, he could not interfere any longer. Shinpachi knew better than to step into that crazy woman’s problems, which only leads to utter destruction or disaster. He already had his fair share that should last a lifetime (or two weeks, whichever came first). Also, Shinpachi had his own problems to face, which he has yet neither told Gintoki nor Kagura.

“Shin-chan,” Tae had calmly called his attention.

Shinpachi raised his head. “ _Aneue_ , what are you doing up?”

“No reason,” Tae replied, taking a seat beside him. “And you? I thought you’d be tired from another brawl with Gin-san and Kagura-chan. You should sleep well, you might get another job tomorrow.”

“I should be,” Shinpachi nodded along. “But I’m not entirely tired.”

“Something wrong? From the moment you entered the house, you’ve been looking very troubled.”

Shinpachi faced his sister with a serious look on his face. “Are you seriously marrying Kondo-san?” he asked.

He must have asked for the nth time already, Shinpachi did not know, nor did he keep count, nor did he care. Tae was not fazed anymore when he had asked that question and just smiled at him. “Shin-chan, you’ve asked that so many times and my reply is still the same,” she replied.

Shinpachi let out a sigh, the air visibly floating up from his lips, “I still think that he cursed you or something. You know, I’ve heard that in other countries, there are shamans and witches who concoct a love spell—”

Shinpachi was cut off with his sister smacking his head but she was laughing. Shinpachi could not whine about his sister’s violent retort but smiled at her laughter. When Tae ceased laughing, she looked at her sulking younger brother and placed a hand on his head, threading the soft locks of his hair, “Shin-chan, I’ll be fine… I always am,” Tae reassured. _My, how long has your hair grown._

“I know that,” Shinpachi said. “I know I said that I would be willing to let you go with a smile when you finally find someone that you wholeheartedly and willing to love but I never expected that it would happen… that it would, so soon and especially, with Kondo-san!”

“It’s been years since the Yagyu Arc—”

“ _Aneue!_ ” Shinpachi cried. “Please, take this seriously!”

“I am taking this seriously,” Tae replied, with a genuine smile on her face.

Shinpachi could not possibly fight against that genuine smile of his annoying sister. When Kondo Isao came as a guest in their home weeks ago and Tae and him announcing their marriage, Shinpachi choked and passed out. When he woke up, he was being crushed in the arms of Kondo and he gasped for air demanding to be released from his brute arms. Tae laughed all the way through that moment. Shinpachi could not believe it still, finally seeing his sister marrying—well, that he could still survive with—but her sister actually marrying the gorilla commander of the Shinsengumi? _What the actual fuck?_ Shinpachi knew that his sister did finally answer Kondo a few years back and their relationship had been nothing but casual and steady, gradually getting to know the other and appreciating each other’s company. Shinpachi did not pay mind to it but he watched them very closely. However, their marriage announcement had genuinely shocked him. He did not want to admit it, but a part of him was glad it was Kondo, but a part of him still wants to worry.

This somehow meant that Shinpachi was to be the brother-in-law of, not only Kondo, but the whole Shinsengumi, and that jerked nerves down his spine.

“I’m just getting married, Shin-chan,” Tae said, “I never said anything that I would leave you.”

The younger man knew that Tae’s words had hit a spot. This was another thing he had a hard time processing. When his sister gets married, he fears being left alone. The house, the dojo, everything they had protected will be left to him—alone. Shinpachi always thought, since he was a kid, that he and her sister would together run the dojo, clean it, protect it. If his sister goes away, he’ll be alone to do all of that. Shinpachi was quiet for a while, not facing his sister. Tae understood his silence.

Shinpachi wanted to believe his sister’s words. He really does, but there was still that nagging voice inside him. He has been battling that voice for weeks now, however, no matter how much he fought it, it was always a stalemate. Beating it was futile, Shinpachi thought.

Weeks ago, the same night Tae and Kondo had announced their marriage, he ran off, threading through the cold winter night. The snow had been thinner, a sign that winter was coming to an end, the cold wind was slapping his face and snow fell, conservatively. He clutched onto his scarf, taking deep breaths to calm himself. Tae and Kondo did not call or chase after him, understanding that he needed the space to think. Shinpachi had been thankful for that. He had taken an aimless walk through Kabuki-cho, the familiar lights, familiar people, familiar streets—memories began flashing right through his eyes before he realized. He ended up in the park where he sat alone for a while, gazing at the frozen lake with his back hunched, his elbows propped against his knees and hands held together. Thoughts ran through his head and before he knew it, he was caught in another whirlwind of disaster. But, Shinpachi did not want to think about that.

“ _Aneue,_ ” Shinpachi spoke lowly, “I respect your decision but I still have a hard time accepting it.”

“I know,” Tae answered. “To be honest, I didn’t think you’d take it this well. I figured you’d be screaming at our faces the entire time.”

Shinpachi tried to laugh, or even manage a chuckle, but no laughter could be forced out of his lips. He just smiled, a little, melancholic smile albeit it made both of them feel a little less heavy.

“Besides, I know you’re diverting the subject to Kondo-san,” Tae told him, which was true, but she did not press further with the subject. “By the way, Kondo-san told me something earlier,” Tae quipped. “He spotted you guys earlier this noon, and he wanted to say ‘hi’ but when he called your attention, you screamed and ran away, dragging along the Yorozuya.”

At this, Shinpachi did finally managed to laugh, “we had a job earlier and it was a mess,” he replied. “When the Shinsengumi police cars went rolling along, we panicked and ran away, like we always do.”

“It seems like your day went charmingly well,” she commented.

Shinpachi’s smile withered away into a melancholic frown, resting his chin on his knee.

“Something horribly wrong happened, I assume,” Tae said.

“It’s not ‘horrible’, per se,” Shinpachi threaded. “It was just… _messy._ ”

“Knowing you three, it’s always messy,” Tae replied.

“I know that,” Shinpachi hummed. “But it was a different kind of messy—it was chaotically good then it turned bad _,_ like really, really _bad_ in a matter of seconds.”

“Shin-chan, I’m not sure I follow.”

Maybe he had exaggerated a bit, but knowing the people involved, the term he used was still an understatement. Shinpachi turned to his sister with a forlorn look. “It’s Kagura-chan” he said, then his eyes shifted somewhere else. “No, it’s not really Kagura-chan, per se.”

“Let me guess,” Tae intervened, with a playful smirk on her face. “It had something to do with Okita-kun.”

Shinpachi nodded, a chortle coming out of his lips. “It was just… a _mess_. You should’ve seen it, _aneue._ ”

“Only Kagura-chan and Okita-kun could make a mess out of everything, especially to each other.”

Shinpachi closed his eyes, resting his chin again on his knee. “Knowing Kagura-chan, she must’ve asked for your help regarding that,” he said.

_The frozen lake, it was calming Shinpachi in the most unusual way. He had been there for gods know how long. Shinpachi did not know if he was frozen there because of the weather or out of his own volition, either way he grew comfortable already and did not want to leave._

_He had just escaped from his sister and Kondo. Announcing their marriage like that—and out of the blue too, during dinner? It would only make sense that he choked and fainted, but he did the most un-adult-like thing to do, which was: running away. At his age, he should face these things like an adult, like gently wishing the newly engaged couple well and maybe volunteering to help with anything he could to ease the wedding preparation. He did not even ask when was their wedding due and if they had told anyone about their engagement yet, instead he choked and fainted, when he came to, he ran away, like a teenage brat._

Honestly, I need to grow up and face this like a man, _Shinpachi then, cursed his inner thoughts for jabbing at him with these words._

 _It was already time to head back. Shinpachi neither knew what time it was nor how long he had stayed out. The only thing he knew was that his sister and her fiancée were worried._ I should be fine, _Shinpachi repeated like a mantra._

_So, he stood up and stretched feeling a bit lighter, even. He was starting to make his way back when he heard gunshots resounding nearby. He squealed and hid under the bench, ducking his head for cover. Later on, there was an explosion, and another, followed another one and it was alarmingly closer. Shinpachi wanted to run like hell, and he was ready to if it weren’t for the tree flying over and landing at the path of his escape. Shinpachi panicked, but he slapped himself, he should not be panicking like a brat but bravely face this threat like an adult—a samurai, even._

_He did not have a weapon with him, he realized. He was not good with hand-to-hand combat either—that was always Kagura’s schtick—but his lousy skills would have to do. The threat gets closer as the shockwaves felt stronger and voices were more audible. Shinpachi prepared himself, if ever he should attack or at least fight back to escape and acquire the much-required help. He watched closely, waiting._

_Two figures appeared from the distance and drew near. They were fighting vigorously, too preoccupied with each other, wrapped in their intense battle. Shinpachi immediately recognized the two barbarians and felt like he should have known better._

_From the looks of it, both of the so-called “barbarians” were fighting at a stalemate. Both brutes were neck in neck in power, speed and with great reflexes, they managed to dodge and block each other’s attacks. Shinpachi could watch there in awe on how impressively they could spar. Seeing them like this, Shinpachi knew he had to train harder—especially on his hand-to-hand combat abilities. However, in a flash, it seemed like Kagura had the upper hand, taking the offense and striking after strike with her punches and kicks. Okita Sougo dodged and blocked them with ease, of course, shouting insult after insult instead. Shinpachi could not figure out what they were saying, but Sougo must have said something to rile Kagura further as she threw her attacks in a much faster rate._

_Sighing, Shinpachi resigned to leave, wanting no part with them destroying the park for the nth time. As much awestruck he is on their fighting capabilities, he did not want to get caught in their vortex of disaster._

_Come to think of it, they have not sparred like this in a long time. It seemed like the last time they fought each other like this was somewhere during fall last year, and for Sougo and Kagura not to spar for that long time (Shinpachi could describe a few months a long time), had finally screw their corks loose and made their bodies itch for a good fight._

_When Shinpachi heard nothing for a while, it disturbed him. Maybe they had finally exhausted each other, maybe one had managed to beat the other—or worse, maybe they already killed each other._ No, that couldn’t be possible, knowing Kagura-chan and Okita-san, _Shinpachi thought, finally willing himself to peek at the two from behind a tree._

Very original, _Shinpachi berated himself as he clutched the tree bark._ I feel like a heroine from a _shoujo_ manga, _he thought. He cautiously peeked at both of them and was very shocked at what he found._

_Sougo was straddling Kagura, his hands wrestling with all the left strength in her arms. She was looking frustrated and Sougo was merely smirking._

_Shinpachi felt the air being forced of his lungs._ No, _he thought,_ I should NOT be watching THIS!

 _Before he could look away completely, his vision had caught a glimpse of Sougo leaning his body down. Shinpachi panicked._ No… h-he did not just…? _Shinpachi’s thoughts were caught in a whirlwind. He should not be seeing this. This is their private moment and it was unsettling to see two people who he had known for a long while now, possibly getting all mushy. He had not known that these two were already seeing each other—and behind their backs, that is. Against his will, Shinpachi turned around, trying to affirm if what he thinks he saw is what he really saw and, much to his horror, he had been right._

_Sougo is kissing Kagura._

_Shinpachi felt like fainting for the second time that night._

_He felt a bit light-headed, witnessing Kagura, somewhat a dear, little sister to him—one of his best friends, even—and Okita Sougo, the 1 st Division Captain of the Shinsengumi, both rivals biting down on each other throats, now _literally _biting down at each other’s throats. Shinpachi knew that him and Gintoki are dead if her father finds out about this. He gulped nervously at the thought of Umibouzu hunting both of them, for not stopping his beloved daughter smooching with an Earthling who is (supposedly) weaker than her._

_Then, he heard it._

_“Fuck you!”_

Please not literally, _was the first thought that entered Shinpachi’s mind._

_“Oi! Oi, Sadist!” it was Kagura’s shrill voice. “You fucking bastard! You son of a bitch!”_

_Shinpachi willed himself to look back to find Kagura groggily standing up, trying to catch up to Sougo who was walking away, a disoriented look on his face. Kagura was catching up to him, readying a fist to strike at the police officer. She almost did so, however, Sougo’s sharp reflexes had him dodging the fist and latching onto it tight. What surprised her was the nonchalant look on Sougo’s face._

_“You kiss me and then you say it was all wrong—that it was a mistake?” Kagura shrieked at him, as she started attacking him with the free limbs she had left. “I’ll put your head in the gutter, fucking bastard!”_

Maybe, they aren’t secretly seeing each other? _Shinpachi grew a little confused and decided to listen further._

_Sougo was displaying his normal offhand look and merely blocked her attacks, all while still clutching on her wrist. It did nothing but infuriate Kagura even more._

_He detaches his hand from Kagura’s wrist. “You’re throwing that much of a tantrum just because I stole your first kiss?” he was almost smirking but, the anger in Kagura’s eyes was scorching, like a violent tide, ready to swallow all of the land whole._

_“Don’t toy with my feelings, bastard sadist!” Kagura yelled._

_Said sadist, looked at her with smirk, “you actually have feelings? Then again, I always thought you liked me all along, China,” he taunted._

_“As if,” Kagura spat. “Who’d ever like you, you fucking sadistic son of a bitch!”_

_“I could arrest you for disrespecting a police officer,” Sougo’s playful tone was not relenting._

_“Fuck that, fuck your laws, they’re bullshit anyway,” Kagura gritted, through her attacks._

_Not forgetting whose flashback is this, Shinpachi noticed that Kagura was reverting back to her immaturity just for this petty fight with Sougo. Kagura, already twenty and a bombshell, still acts like the loud and brazen fourteen-year old girl he first met. Although it was always heartwarming to see things never change, Kagura chose a wrong moment to revert back into her childish ways. Shinpachi could only be fed up right now, but it seemed like Sougo was much more fed up with it than he was._

_Sougo countered Kagura’s attacks, finally able to throw her down on the snowy pavement. Of course, Kagura would not be fazed by that throw, and attempted at getting herself up again but Sougo was already walking away. Kagura was calling out to him, spatting insults, threats and curses but he only turned to look at her. “Forget it, China,” he said, his face was unreadable and his tone was nonchalant as ever, “I said that it was a mistake, clear as day… as if anyone would want to kiss you anyway.”_

_Kagura did not move anymore and watched Sougo as he left, still glaring at him, still gritting her teeth. When there was no more trace of Sougo left in her field of vision, her features softened, turned forlorn. She stood up, unperturbed and looking unscathed but all the muck made its way onto her skin, her clothes, her face and her hair. She sat at the nearby bench, silent—suddenly the woman from mere moments ago, angry and unrelenting, was gone in a flash._

_Shinpachi let out a sigh and scrambled out of the thicket of trees and out into the clearing, stopping first to grab his friend’s purple parasol before he opened it and hovered it above his head. He approached Kagura silently and calmly, hovering the parasol over her sulking figure and he hears a pained chuckle. As she lifted her head to meet his gaze with a ridiculous smile, “Pachi, don’t tell Gin-chan, okay?” she asks._

_The man nodded. “Let’s get you cleaned up and warm first, Kagura-chan.”_

_“Hey, Shinpachi—you saw all of it, yes? I was being ridiculous earlier, yes?”_

_“No… it was just plain ol’ Kagura-chan being Kagura-chan,” Shinpachi replied._

_Kagura flashed a smile at Shinpachi, a genuine one, before her face twisted in pain and tears started trickling down her cheeks. The man could only watch as his friend cried_. _He had not seen Kagura cry in a such a long time, that it became very unsettling to see her cry. As her friend, her ‘brother’, he wanted to wipe those tears dry, tell her to stop crying but he knows that she needed to vent out the frustration and so, he stayed silent and waited for her. Shinpachi had a hunch—that Kagura had always liked the police captain. It was very much obvious, how she tries to act indifferent in front of him, trying her best not to get too flustered. She turns into a_ tsundere _—something that surprises him every time. With what happened, it was natural to get hurt—Shinpachi thinks. The snow was falling, unbeknownst to him, for the last time, as her tears fell down like a downstream. Shinpachi guarded her, the umbrella protected them from the falling snow._

_She stood up, eventually and let Shinpachi lead the way to his home. Needless to say, Tae’s reaction when he finally did return home, both of them found a little relief._

* * *

Gintoki hated himself right now.

It was six in the morning and yet, he was wide awake. He tried to shut his eyes once more, however, his body betrayed him and if anything, he felt much more awake than ever. He twisted and turned, trying to find a better position in his futon. It was still cold out and his futon was too warm and cozy, too perfect for his liking. It was the best opportunity to sleep, for sure, but then again, why? Why was his body being so stubborn?

He laid there, totally blanketed and awake. Grabbing the Jump comics, Gintoki started rereading the manga, commenting on them inwardly. He had seen the same scenes numerous times already, but it did not hurt to reread them again, he thinks. He picked his nose, blew it off, picked on his ear, blew it off and scratched his head, irked at himself for waking up so early. It came as a surprise that the man was still capable of waking up so early—if six in the morning was still very early for most adults his age. _Damn it, I’m past thirty and being an ass to people my age!_ Gintoki screamed inwardly.

His stomach grumbled. Knowing himself, he was always hungry after waking up, no matter which hour. Usually, when he wakes up, Kagura or Shinpachi had some breakfast prepared already, but he doubts that both of them are making breakfast at this hour. Suddenly, his mind drifted off to Kagura once more, the memory of her hearing her crying at the bathroom late last night stirred and tugged at his heart. Kagura cried and broke down numerous times in the past and that image was something he never wanted to see ever again, going as far as promising never to let the girl cry ever again. Seeing her break down like this, not even knowing why, felt like breaking his promise to protect. Gintoki felt like a very responsible man of the house for once and finally got up and out of his futon. The sunlight was streaming in faintly from the windows, still, he squints his eyes at the brightness. The cold air made him shiver prompting him to grab his trademark white kimono and lazily draped it over his shoulders, embracing the little warmth it gave him. He then, quietly exited his bedroom and padded over to the kitchen.

It was unusual, scarily unusual, for Gintoki to boil his own water, to wash rice and set the rice cooker. For the most part, he did not know how to do the things he was doing and trusted his hazy memory of how Kagura or Shinpachi do it. Surprisingly, he had not broken an appliance, yet. He checked the fridge if anything was edible for breakfast, going through each of the Tupperware whilst cursing that they spent their spare cash on buying expensive meat and tons of vegetables, tofu and noodles for that hotpot last night, totally forgetting that they needed groceries that could last for days too. What a bunch of idiots they are, Gintoki chortled at the thought.

In the end, Gintoki randomly chose one of the containers and prayed that it had not expired yet. It did not smell suspicious though, which Gintoki thought was a good sign. It was not even seven when everything was done. It was still cold and his feet were freezing as hell, but the smoke from the food was enough to warm him up a little and the smell just further made his stomach growl and his mouth water. Gintoki took the kettle and poured it over the teapot filled two cheap teabags of Dipton. He did not bother to put the food on some other plate and just grabbed the pan, the rice cooker and placed it on his desk—the only functional table left in the whole apartment. Voila! Breakfast was served… if only Shinpachi and Kagura could see him now.

As if on cue, the door to the supply closet opened, revealing a newly awoken Kagura, clad in her pajamas and thick socks. Her hair was loose, messy and tangled from her sleep. Her eyes were red and full of morning glory, her face flushed red from all that crying from last night. It was a good thing she managed to even get some shut eye. Kagura rubbed her eyes while staring at the desk dumbfoundedly.

“My eyes do not deceive me, yes? Gin-chan really cooked breakfast for once, yes?”

“Oi, oi, I did this because I was hungry and I wasn’t gonna wait around for your lazy ass.”

Kagura hopped off the closet/bedroom and grabbed a bowl, a pair of chopsticks and raw egg from the kitchen and tottered down the wrecked living room. Sadaharu was still asleep even with the aromatic food on the desk and Gintoki actually preferred it that way, or he would have a hard time eating in peace with him sniffing around the food, spotting the opportunity to gobble it up himself. Kagura started eating quietly, finishing about half of the contents of the rice cooker and the heated meal, Gintoki would not care anyway. He knew already how gluttonous she was.

Breakfast was silent. Not a word was exchanged, only the clattering of the bowls on the table. Gintoki could have used this as an opportunity to ask about what the hell was last night for, about that night where she went home very late in different clothes and a crestfallen look on her face. He wanted to ask about that time where she had the nerve to be a normal person and grab food from the banquet and return to their table to eat her food there like a normal person—Gintoki had a lot of questions, and although he would deny it, he wanted answers. _And here I am, thinking I already got past the teenage rebellion age… damn it, this is not even my job! I’m not her father, goddamn it!_

“Kagura-chan,” Gintoki started, “I’m not sure I’m following everything that happened last night—what the hell was that all about?”

Kagura placed her bowl down the desk and finished her tea. “I’m taking a bath now, Gin-chan,” she announced, excusing herself. She entered the bathroom without another word. Gintoki just sighed.

It was uncharacteristic of him, for sure—this was already too OOC for him, (and for me) he would agree. He cleared the desk, and threw it all in the sink, not bothering to wash it. Anyway, he could have Kagura or Shinpachi do them later. He grabbed the pieces of the broken table and dragged it out of the apartment, dumping it at the alley, along with the other trash.

By the time he finished vacuuming, Kagura was already out and silently helped him rearrange the couches. Kagura sat down at one couch, silent and unmoving. Gintoki had done his part and lied down at the opposite couch, grabbing the square pillows and tucking them under his head.

Against Kagura’s wishes, she padded to her closet/bedroom and grabbed her blanket, returning to the couch to cover her legs. It was a particularly cold, cold morning.

“Gin-chan,” she started. Although Gintoki had his eyes closed and head facing up the ceiling, he was listening, “I’m sorry for making you worry. I know you’ve been wanting to ask me what was wrong for the past weeks now and to be honest, I told Shinpachi not to tell you anything.”

 _So that was why he was acting indifferent_ , Gintoki thought, _that kid’s getting better at pretending_.

“So, you tell Shinpachi, and not me?” Gintoki blatantly pointed out. “You’re hurting your Gin-chan.”

“He happened to be at that moment, yes,” she said, “But I don’t have any excuse for last night.”

“You basically wrecked the apartment,” Gintoki drawled. “Remind me to make Shinpachi clean later.”

Silence subdued them.

“Oi, oi, I’m not at all worried—just confused,” he said, trying to sound indifferent, breaking the silence. Of course, Gintoki was confused about what was happening. He wants the scoop but no one was willing to give it to him. He considered asking Tae, since Kagura tells her everything, but he did not find the time to catch up with her. Maybe, Tsukuyo knows a bit, he wondered, but he noticed that their interactions were not different as per usual. He could not approach Nobume nor Soyo, either so that was out of the question. He considered finding about it on his own, but that will be when he does not feel so much lazy anymore.

Kagura watched him as he yawned and scratched his butt unabashedly. _Seriously, Gin-chan,_ Kagura had wanted to laugh at the sight. Gintoki was fairly good at concealing his emotions. She thought she was too, however, last night just tipped her off and she might have reacted so excessively.

Damn it, last night flooded her thoughts yet again. “I am also confused about it myself.”

“Don’t be,” Gintoki replied, turning his back onto her. “To be honest, what he did was rude—he could’ve done that a little nicely and appropriately. We can have your Papi blow his balls out and if it survives, he’s worthy.”

He heard it again—those _damned sniffles._

 _Shit_ , Gintoki thought, _and so early in the morning._ Gintoki opened his eyes and turned his head over, finding Kagura sniffling and her tears compelling, threatening to fall. Whatever is happening to that woman was proving to be too much for her to take, as she cries about it a lot if she so much as thinks about it. This was not the Kagura he knows, not the Kagura he raised. She cannot just cry because of some stupid—oh… so _that’s what it was_ , Gintoki realized. At this point, it did not really surprise him, in fact, the mere fact that Kagura had already figured it out herself was more astonishing. Last night, Gintoki had been shocked, scared to hell but also frustrated, annoyed and a bit hurt.

“I’m really confused—I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Kagura murmured. “Why the fuck am I crying?”

Gintoki sat up. He does not know what to say about it, probably, there were no words to say about it. He was not in the position to give an advice but he was sure as hell, he knows what he wants to do. This is the last time that he will be totally OOC.

The man sighed as he propped himself up and off the couch. He lazily made his way to the supply closet and began digging through Kagura’s supplies, earning complaints from the woman. It did not faze him though, even with her excessive yelling and finding some _womanly things_ he should not be touching. Admittingly, he is a little disgusted by what he is doing, but all of it he endured to find what he was looking for. _All women have this—I’m sure of it—even the craziest, amazon women would have this,_ Gintoki thought and finally, he fished it out from one of her bags—a brush.

A brush—what the hell was Gintoki going to do with a brush? Kagura stared at Gintoki as he walked past and stopped behind her. He pulled her hair out gently and started brushing her long, wet vermillion hair. Kagura had been surprised to say the least, to see Gin-chan brushing her hair. She had to admit, it felt… very nice, very soothing— _very fatherly of him_ , she can quite say. Gintoki kept brushing until most of the strands had started to dry. Kagura was almost lulled to sleep when suddenly, she felt a tug on the locks from her right side. She yelped and smacks Gintoki on his side but he just scolds her, threatening to pull her hair out. Kagura huffs and waited till the man was done tugging on her hair. She was not even aware of what he was doing, so she could only guess that maybe he was putting on a bun.

Gintoki had no idea how to make a proper bun. He just tugged on a large partition of her hair from the right side and began twisting them all together. Gintoki was slowly catching on. Kagura had been instinctive and she raised her arm, showing her the hair ties that hung on her wrists. He pulled one out and fastened the bun. Then, he reached for the hair ornament which was rested on her side and securely fastened it over the bun. Gintoki grabbed her brush and soothed out her hair once more.

Kagura never brushed her hair. For one, it was naturally straight and silky, so if anything was in tangles, it would untangle itself later, and two, she did not have time. She put them in high twin tails, secure them with her usual hair ornaments and she was done.

He had no idea where he got the idea of placing only one bun on Kagura’s head, specifically on the right side, but he had a faint image of it. An image of Kagura with that length of a hair, sharp eyes and a bright white _cheongsam_. That dream had been his nightmare—or at least, he thinks it is a dream that he never could forget, especially if it involved seeing his two brats all grown up and dressed maturely.

“You’re doing the other side, yes?” she asked, looking up at him. Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion when Gintoki shook his head.

“Don’t mess with it or I’ll pull your hairs out,” Gintoki threatened when Kagura placed a hand gently on her bun. “Change your clothes too.”

Kagura was now utterly baffled. Gintoki sighed, “you can’t always wear the same red outfits, you’ll look like a standard anime character who never seems to run out of the same clothes.”

“Says the asshole who has over three pairs of the same clothes,” Kagura grumbled.

Sadaharu barked enthusiastically. Kagura swore the dog was practically gleaming at her.

“Kagura,” Gintoki called. Kagura looked up to meet with Gintoki’s (rather) fatherly gaze. “Show that bastard how much of a bastard he is,” he said.

* * *

When Sougo had returned to the Shinsengumi compound late at night, limping, bleeding and bruised, he found Hijikata by the doors, puffing out his midnight smoke. Needless to say, he was very annoyed at the sight of the mayonnaise-loving freak, but seeing him took off his thoughts from his wounds and his other problem. Snow crunched beneath his feet and blood dripped from his forehead. It was surprising how he managed to make the journey back to the compound from the Kabuki-cho public park. He felt exhausted and seeing Hijikata just exhausted him further. When he made it to the veranda and up the _engawa_ , Hijikata still did not meet his eyes, despite his brazen red orbs attempting to bore into his. Instead, Hijikata was smoking—as usual. _I wish he’d get lung cancer and die_. Sougo thought.

The older man was kind enough to hand out a cigarette to the injured man without any word (if that was even a kind gesture). Seeing Okita Sougo battered and bruised was not a rare sight—actually, he expected that one of these nights, he would return to the quarters looking like that, possibly even worse. He wanted to expect worse—betting on it, even, but his expectations failed him, as usual. Of course, Sougo had to decline his offer with a matching annoying smirk and an insult. Hijikata was not surprised again—the younger man resented his very being and with murder attempts after death threats after insults, and this little insult was not worth getting irritated over. It was very, uncharacteristically shallow compared to the numerous and various other things Sougo did.

Sougo had sat down beside him, resting his katana by his side. Sighing in relief, his aching limbs were finally able to rest after a strenuous night. He wiped the blood off his forehead, accidentally scratching the little wounds His face, his neck, his arms and his legs were tattered with little wounds that had been enough to make him bleed. He figured that he might finally have a scar on his face or his neck. Thank the heavens that his uniform was black, but he could not say the same for his dress shirt and his cravat though. They were splattered with blood. He cursed inwardly, instead.

Vaguely, Sougo did not know what willed him to sit down beside Hijikata but having someone with him to evade his thoughts from the memories of earlier was very much welcomed, even setting the bar to as low to Hijikata’s company. At least, he could plot another murder attempt while he was at it.

“You should get those treated,” Hijikata said.

Sougo merely ignored him. That was expected, really, Hijikata just ruffled his own hair, shaking off the snow that had got caught in it. Hijikata did not say anything else after and just took the cigarette in between his fingers and puffed out the smoke. Knowing the younger boy, he must have sparred with the lone Yorozuya girl. Sometimes, he could not think how utterly childish both of the brats are after all those years, but if anything, Hijikata gives the young woman credit for holding her own and indulging the sadistic boy, distracting him enough from plotting to kill him. Although, he did not want not call it that, the China girl had added a little joy and entertainment to Sougo’s life, something that he knows no one in Shinsengumi or anyone else could bring him. It was the first thing he noticed about her—who back then, he met at the age 14. He was on par with the best sword hand of the Shinsengumi—a mere fourteen-year-old brat that Gintoki was very proud of. Then again, the damage they leave—he could barely tolerate it but he knows Sougo will just downright ignore his complaints and so, he could only ignore it too himself. So, Hijikata ignored the man’s presence and just focused on finishing off the cigarette stick so he could either call it a night or take out another stick for one last smoke.

The snow was falling—it is a pretty sight. Lovely, soft snowflakes fall from the dim sky. Hijikata Toshirou was thankful for this peace, even it is only momentary. Both of them were watching the falling snow, stuck in the unusual but comfortable silence. Silence was never welcomed when it comes to the two of them. Hijikata was mostly surprised by how Sougo could remain silent, even at his presence. _He’s finally growing up, I see._ Hijikata noted with a sly smirk. Hijikata could not differentiate the smoke from the cold air.

“How do I do this?”

Hijikata turned to look at the younger man and found him fumbling his cigarette packet, taking one out and placing it in between his lips. Sougo searched for his mayo lighter and held it up on the other end of the cigarette. A sigh feigned from his lips, Hijikata could see how much embarrassing Sougo is looking right now. It was simply not in his nature to ask for help, particularly _his_ but, he thinks that this brat might have just been very desperate, even for a moment. He looked like a curious little boy, asking about something he should not have. If anything, he was letting his guard down in front of him. Hijikata took the lighter from Sougo’s hand and lighted the cigarette himself. “Just breathe it in and release,” he replied, demonstrating it after.

Sougo seemed to have gotten the hang of it, after a few puffs and a string of coughs—the man was smoking like a natural. Hijikata was a little proud of himself, but it was replaced by disappointment. _If only your sister could see you now,_ Hijikata thought curiously. He did not really meddle with the affairs of the younger man, as he imagined that it would be downright twisted and dark but, curiosity had hit him like a truck. Sougo did not want to do anything with him, much less his pack of cigarettes and his mayo lighter and yet he fumbled for it, even asked him how to smoke and now he was finishing his first stick. “Oi, don’t rush it,” Hijikata said.

“Hijikata-san, shut up,” Sougo deadpanned.

Of course, Hijikata was not going to listen to this brat. “Tell me something, Sougo,” Hijikata spoke.

“Die, Hijikata-san.”

“You fucking brat.”

“That was at least _something,_ ” Sougo remarked.

Knowing that he would not get anywhere with this kid, Hijikata breathed in one last time and puffed out the last smoke, before he threw the cigarette butt into the snow. It died out right away. Hijikata was standing up and retreating back inside the quarters when Sougo’s voice stopped him, “you forgot your cigarettes and lighter.”

“Return the lighter to me first thing in the morning,” Hijikata merely replied, knowing fully well that Sougo needed the cigarettes much more than he does.

“Hijikata-san,” Sougo called again.

The man faced him this time, their eyes meeting. Hijikata could swear he saw turmoil in his face. His features softened a little, unable to deny that look on Sougo. Patiently, he waited for the younger man to speak (assuming that he wanted to say something). Seeing him like this, he could see, not a man, but a little boy, afraid of abandonment. Those red eyes suddenly took him back to the time where he begged him to let her sister (God rest her soul) experience a little happiness before she died. The red eyes that kept looking back to his sister as he walked away, full of worry for her and a little fear for his own. Those red eyes were weakened, very disturbed, very vulnerable. This was not Okita Sougo, the sadistic 1st Division Captain of the Shinsengumi—no, in front of him was Okita Sougo, a little country boy from Bushu. These were the moments that he should not see—moments of him that he is not worthy of witnessing. Hijikata knows better than to let Sougo break down, in front of _him_ no less.

The moment suddenly vanished as it appeared and Sougo looked away from him. “I hope you die in your sleep,” he muttered, although he lost any venom in his voice.

The older man was not disappointed at all when he reverted back to his usual, cold and harsh tone. But there was a crack in that voice that he wanted to ignore— _forced_ to ignore. He was suddenly concerned for the brat. _Goddammit,_ Hijikata cursed.

As the footsteps became fainter and farther, Sougo let himself lie down against the wood. He did not want to be alone—not right now, at least. Although he had berated himself for letting that damned Hijikata see through him and let him know that he was crumbling inside, a part of him berated himself also for letting the only company he had left leave. Now, he felt disturbed more than ever. Images of the crazy Yorozuya woman came flashing through his head. They fought like the usual. It was not like growing up and being through a lot together had changed both of them and their rivalry. They still got under each other’s skin a lot, but not as frequent as before. They saw each other less and less since either of them are busy with their own jobs. However, they were still the same brats— _China was still China_ , he thought. He did not think that he would notice it right away, how China matured a lot during the last couple of years. She was taller, much more built, finally had some curves and a chest. Her face though—although, sharper and defined, is still bright and radiant as ever. During the years he had known her, he could not exactly pinpoint the moment when he realized he actually, genuinely liked the woman. It was not some petty, childish gag anymore, even the number of times Kagura was referred as a woman in this paragraph proves—he had already fallen deep.

He remembered fighting her. A fight that made him think that maybe someone could actually be on par with him. A fight that made him realized that she understood him more than he had realized. A fight that made him wary of how much he missed her and their little childish banter. Another fight, made him think how much he wanted to protect her. A battlefield—most of them were fuzzy images, actually—it made him think how he cannot die before beating her to a pulp. He remembered fighting _with_ her. A battle that, despite thinking he could overcome himself, was easier to conquer with China by his side. A battle where he realized that no one could be on par with her. A battle where no one else could sync as harmoniously as her—marking a team-up that was too strong to overpower. Okita Sougo knew, when he saw her earlier that evening, that this crazy woman was everything he had ever wanted.

He still could not believe it, though. When he had pinned her down, he was only going to insult her, provoke her and even threaten her. It was, in his own way, how he showed affection.

It was a deranged way to show affection, but to hell with romance, anyway.

However, staring at the face of his childhood rival, that bright, tangled vermillion hair, bright cerulean eyes fuming like a violent tide, a busted lip, her porcelain face, filled with mud and snow, a cut on her forehead, her brows furrowed and looking outraged—to hell with it. He kissed her. They were still wrestling with their arms though. Sougo did not care and closed his eyes, taking every bit of strength he has left to fight against her inhumane strength. China was still putting up a fight, and it irked him.

Sougo’s internal thoughts practically screamed, telling her to kiss back.

He hoped for a moment, that China actually liked him back—that their childish banter and rivalry had sparked some sort of attraction from her. Sougo was not even discreet with his emotions sometimes but it all seemed to fly over her head, leaving him disappointed. He did not like the fact that he was in deep with his emotions for China, but he could not fight it either. Eventually, he embraced it—even risking it, during that moment.

Kagura was not struggling anymore, he knew, he could feel it and so he snaked his hands up against hers, locking their fingers. However, she was still not kissing back or anything and yet, Sougo firmly planted his lips on hers, not wanting to let go.

He remembered hearing Kagura’s muffled whimpers. _Shit_ , he cursed repeatedly. As he recalled that moment, his face twisted in pain. That was a mistake—a _huge_ mistake. He pulled away abruptly, got off her and stood up, picking his sheathed katana in the process and started walking away wordlessly.

 _“Forget it,”_ he said. _“That was a mistake.”_

He tried to be as nonchalant as possible but when Kagura had screamed at him and attack him again. He could not help but insult her, trying to erase that mistake off his mind. However, it was futile, she was mad, she was outraged—he felt dejected. Of course, he would not let that show. He tried to be apathetic as possible and left her there with so much as a lame way of saying goodbye, however, that had scarred him more than the wounds she left physically. Sougo shifted his eyes towards the cigarette pack beside him and the mayo lighter.

 _Disgusting,_ he thought whilst grabbing it and lighting another cigarette in his mouth.

The morning after, he found himself full of bandages, Kondo screaming at his ear, Hijikata smoking by the wooden pillars, Yamazaki and a handful of Shinsengumi officers sitting at a distance, staring at them.

* * *

Gorillas flock together in a troop, so it was not surprising that Shimura Tae is with Kondo Isao.

What surprised people was that Shimura Tae _is with_ Kondo Isao—there is a difference. She was clad in her everyday clothes, a pink kimono with floral patterns, her long auburn hair in a high ponytail, strolling the familiar street with a gentle smile on her face. Kondo had been more enthusiastic as he strolled with Tae, with a resting blush on his face. He was dressed in a simple grey kimono underneath his brown hakama. They seemed like they were enjoying each other’s company, as a happily engaged couple.

They climbed up the familiar steps and landed on the foyer of the very familiar Yorozuya apartment. They knocked—knocked again—knocked _again,_ a little louder this time and rushing footsteps with muffled apologies were heard approaching. The _shoji_ slid open and a smiling Shinpachi greeted the visitors, but shock took over his features when he realized that the visitors are the engaged couple. Shinpachi grew quiet immediately and stepped away from the opening, signaling them to come in. Kondo, ever the gentleman had let Tae enter first and she greeted her brother with a pinch on the cheek then Kondo whom had great enthusiasm as he entered. Shinpachi could only nod back.

Gintoki raised his head, curious to see who the visitors were— _are they clients? Where did Kagura go to, now?_ Gintoki’s thoughts were in a daze. He had just awoken from a great nap, thanks to Shinpachi, when he heard the knock on the door. He was genuinely surprised to see Tae and Kondo entering and taking a seat on the other couch whilst greeting him. Shinpachi headed straight to the kitchen without so much as a word to prepare some tea. _He is unusually quiet—_ Gintoki noted. Usually, Shinpachi is very cheery and happy at the presence of her sister, but this time, he was clamped shut. _Maybe that gorilla is bugging him_ , Gintoki theorized.

“What made you visit?” Gintoki asked, before yawning.

“I’m glad to see your doing well, Yorozuya.”

“Oi, oi… since when did we become nice to each other?” Gintoki moaned, scratching his head.

Shinpachi emerged from the kitchen, holding a tray with two glasses of fresh, hot tea. He, realized the absence of a table and so, carefully handed out the glass to their guests who gladly accepted it.

“Where is China-san?” Kondo asked, turning his head around, searching for the lone female Yorozuya member. “We would’ve hoped that all three of you are here.”

“She went out while ago,” Shinpachi replied, taking his seat beside Gintoki. “She’ll be back, eventually.”

“Without Sadaharu?” Tae asked, noting that the giant mutt was sleeping at one corner of the room. It was strange for Kagura to leave without Sadaharu. She and the dog were best friends, inseparable at most. When there is Kagura, Sadaharu is usually trailing behind her and vice versa.

“Never mind that slacker,” Gintoki grumbled. “I’ll take some off her pay for that.”

“You never pay us, Gin-san,” Shinpachi deadpanned.

“So, what’s the deal with you two coming in here?” Gintoki asked.

Tae met her eyes with Gintoki’s. For quite the longest time, Tae had been wary of herself that she had liked the lazy, naturally permed, silver-haired samurai. She did not know when that attraction started, but she always found herself caring more and more about the man with every encounter. Maybe it was because he saved her numerous times without hesitation before, maybe it was because of the words he spoke to her that had moved her, made her shed tears, made her feel comforted, made her feel strong. They had fought alongside each other before too, and she felt very powerful during then. They trampled against their enemies, both fighting to protect. Tae could only look up to the man—knowing that he was out of reach. What she left was with was only the feeling of longing and she hated feeling that way. Tae might have already loved the man, for all she cared—but that was back then. Tae did not want to think about it—especially now, when she is here with Kondo. In the past, she kept thinking if what she was doing was right, if it was fair for her and for the man. Tae knows how much Kondo adored her, going as far as pulling ridiculous (and all of them were very annoying at best) stunts to get her to notice him, but she never could return those feelings. However, when she pried herself to finally give him a chance, it had been confusing. She had doubts at first, thinking that what she was doing, by making Kondo a stupid rebound, is very much wrong. It is, Tae knew that, even if Kondo was a ridiculous and embarrassing excuse for a human, he did not deserve it. But as time flew by, she did learn to accept Kondo’s feelings and surprisingly, she found herself happy and content with his company and that was enough for her (maybe more so, but she would not admit) to slowly lift herself up and forget about her hopeless feelings for Gintoki.

“We are engaged,” Tae said with pride.

Finally, Shimura Tae could look at Sakata Gintoki without the longingness in her heart.

Gintoki shrieked, his reaction priceless, Tae could only laugh at it. He never fails to make her laugh. Shinpachi clutched his hakama tight, his teeth clenching, eyes squinting, apparently his boss was slapping his back. “Oi, did you hear that Shinpachi? Your sister is getting married to the gorilla!” he hooted.

“Who’re you calling gorilla?!”

“I never thought it would happen. Otae is actually getting married,” Gintoki said with a sigh, his arms crossed and his back resting against the couch. “Kagura would’ve flipped off for sure.”

“You actually thought I’d never get married?” There was an underlying, threatening tone in Tae’s voice.

“Who’d marry a gorilla—” followed by a shriek.

Shinpachi was forcing himself, the entire time. He could not even spare the energy to scold his sister for beating his boss. It is unbearable, seeing his sister smile so warmly like that. Shinpachi loved his sister very much (he does not want to admit that he has a sister complex) and leaned on her for support every time, especially when they were younger. Shinpachi does not want to imagine a life where his sister is gone from him—there was not a world where his sister was not in it but he had to accept this—he must, for both him and Tae’s sake. She was already moving on with life, but why can’t him?

He would hate himself for sure but with this surge of emotions, he found himself standing up and bolting from the Yorozuya office, ignoring the calls of the two older males in the room.

 _Maybe this is what Shinpachi had been bothered about,_ Gintoki thought as he stared at the wide-open _shoji._ He stared at the bright view outside, ignoring the gush of cold wind that had entered the apartment. Tae simply stood up and went for the _shoji,_ closing it shut.

“Aren’t you going after Shinpachi-kun?” Kondo asked.

“Let him go for a while,” Tae replied gently. It was difficult for her younger brother, she knows that very well. Him running away again at the mention of her marriage was expected, at least that was what she thinks, although she would rather not have her brother always running away. Tae thought to herself, _if Shin-chan is actually an adult, then he should act like it and swallow it._ Tae had taken her seat again at the couch, feigning a smile. “He is still having a hard time dealing with it,” she merely said.

Of course, Tae was always worried about Shinpachi. She knows that the boy did not want to be alone. _Why can’t he date already so he won’t be too lonely?_ Tae had thought a lot of times in the past. So, Kondo and her had agreed that they will be living at the Shimura household, but Shinpachi does not know that yet so she thought it might be a nice surprise. Apparently, she did not want to leave the household just yet to her brother, he was still timid and unwise to take care of an entire household—besides, they have a dojo to take care of, _together_. It was hard managing the house, with Tae’s night job and Shinpachi’s uncertain 24/7 job schedule, sometimes, it was difficult to leave the house unguarded. Kondo was kind enough to help funding for it. Tae’s pay from the cabaret is barely enough for the two of them and Shinpachi had little to no pay every time. Kondo had been very supportive of the dojo and had a layout of his plans for it already, making Tae gleam with joy. Also, with Kondo there, maybe Tae could find herself another job that is less straining and maybe with a schedule during the daytime instead.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Gintoki asked, ignoring the silent void that Shinpachi left.

“We don’t know yet—we haven’t got anything planned yet,” Kondo replied, scratching his head sheepishly.

“I don’t want a big ceremony… a gathering with our closest friends is best at most,” Tae answered.

“So which house are you staying in?” Gintoki asked.

“We agreed that we’re staying at the Shimura household,” Kondo replied. “It’s more than enough. I don’t have a place to call my own than the Shinsengumi compound so I’m okay with it.”

“Yeah sure, go ahead, I’ve always thought that the place was a little too big for two people to maintain,” Gintoki commented. “At least with another person looking after the house, it’d be taken care off well.”

“My, my, hearing such mature thoughts from you, Gin-san,” Tae giggled. “That’s unusual.”

Gintoki merely yawned at the remark. “Might as well, act wiser,” he replied lazily. “Does Shinpachi know about your plans yet? Was he annoyed at the fact that you are moving at the Shimura household? If I were him, I’d understand, especially if he’s gonna hear noises—”

At this, a fist collided with his face, sending him flying over the couch. “And what noises are those exactly?” Tae had bellowed.

“I didn’t mean anything! I swear! What noises? Pfft—there are no noises!” Gintoki tried to liberate himself but Tae had sprung on him with her elbow, crushing his stomach and she captured his neck in a headlock.

Behind all that ruckus, Kondo was blushing furiously. It was so unsightly that the gorilla commander of the Shinsengumi be blushing furiously like a high school girl with her first love. He did not really think about those when he talked about starting a life with the woman currently murdering Sakata Gintoki—really, he did _not_ think of the sort. Besides, his mind was too pre-occupied with sheer bliss about the domestic life he would have with his beloved Tae.

 _Gorillas do flock together in a troop, after all,_ Gintoki grimly thought.

After settling down and Tae had returned to her spot at the couch beside Kondo, did Gintoki deemed it safe to not act dead. He returned to his spot on the empty couch, enduring the sheer pain all over his body and took a dragged sigh when he finally rested his body on the soft comfort of the couch.

“Anyway, we’ve come here because of this. We have a job for you.”

“Of course, despite being friends, you still have to pay us for this,” Gintoki reminded.

“Otae-san, do we really need to ask for their help?” Kondo asked, unsure of what his fiancée was doing. _Fiancée,_ that word still tingles his insides to this moment. However, his question was only replied with a swift elbow at his side, making him yelp in pain.

“Couldn’t you just submit your marriage certificate and have a blow-out after?” Gintoki asked while picking his nose.

However, Tae only replied with a fist colliding on his face.

“Please? I actually dreamt of a beautiful but simple ceremony with all of the people precious to me present,” she replied as she returned back to her seat. “I want them to be there for that moment, sharing the smile on my face with everyone.”

Gintoki only looked at her for a moment and then he closed his eyes, scoffing softly. “Of course, anything for your big day,” Gintoki replied. “I’ll see to it that everything is as you envisioned.”

 _Just to see that smile on your face,_ Gintoki thought. “But I’ll need a hefty paycheck for it,” he demanded, shifting his sights to Kondo. Tae followed, looking at her fiancée expectantly.

There was pressure in the air, all weighing heavily on Kondo all at once. His eyes landed at Tae’s and instantly regretted it, feeling her gaze boring into him, reaching to his bones. He gulped and shifted his eyes to Gintoki, who looked stern and expectant. Certainly, he would heed his fiancée’s request—he also envisioned the same ceremony involving everyone close to him, but what had been plaguing him is the huge amount of trust Tae has befallen on the Yorozuya. Kondo knows that the Yorozuya can do a great job when they put their heads into it however, there is still the worry about the Yorozuya _helping._

“So?” Gintoki asked, impatient.

“A-About how much would you accept?” Kondo asked.

“Anything above a million yen would do—”

Tae was quick to grab Gintoki and pummel his face on the floor, creating a huge crack on it. She clutched his arm up and twisted it, sending him in a crying fit. Her foot planted at his neck—all that while maintaining the calm demeanor on her face. “You’re asking for such big price… how about fifty thousand yen, instead?” she asked in such tender tone however, packed with vicious venom that intoxicated the area with a dark aura.

“Woman, a wedding befitting amazons doesn’t come with only fifty thousand!” Gintoki argued.

“Maybe, fifty is such a stingy price—I’ll raise it to seventy instead,” Tae said. “Yeah, how about seventy?” then, she pulls on Gintoki’s arm higher.

Gintoki wanted to die right at that moment, but of course not before he settles the price… _no, I would not settle for such—_ “Alright, I’ll take it!” he cried. “For the love of… let me live, woman!”

The woman released Gintoki and cheered happily. “Thank you very much, Gin-san!” Tae gleamed, “be sure to tell Shin-chan and Kagura-chan for me.”

After a few sounds of parting footsteps and farewells, the _shoji_ door finally closed and the couple disappeared… _finally!_ Gintoki wanted them gone already. Suddenly, this job became so bothersome and with pitiful seventy thousand yen as their pay? It could only cover a month’s rent (against the unpaid years’ worth), a week’s grocery (a very rough estimation, at most) and half of his subordinates’ monthly pay. The man groggily propped himself up from the cold floor and plopped down on the couch, hogging the blanket that Kagura had left on the couch.

 _Why the heck was it so cold today?_ Gintoki was already clad in layers but he could still feel the chill. He needed something warm, right now— _where the heck did Shinpachi run off to?_

Against his better (and lazy) judgment, he got up and got out of the comfort of the blanket, dressed himself in warm layers and left the apartment. He needed a little fresh air anyway.

Clutching his scarf, he descended the stairs and started his walk. He did not really know where he was headed, but knowing the boy with defining glasses, he could be anywhere. Gintoki did not really like walking in the afternoon, if anything, the afternoon was for taking a siesta, not for finding immature brats who has a strong sister complex. He had made his way through all the familiar places, hoping that Shinpachi could be anywhere there, but to no avail did he find any trace of the glasses-boy.

Gintoki was close to getting really annoyed. Shinpachi could be anywhere at this point, sulking like a brat. He did not want to deal with it as it was a family matter between siblings but Gintoki also realized that Tae was powerless at trying to ease Shinpachi. Judging by his look earlier, the boy had already known for a long time and has been feeling conflicted about it ever since. The look on Tae’s eyes told a lot also and he was able to piece the story together. Before long, Gintoki found himself wandering at the public park, finally finding Shinpachi seated at one of the park benches, head sunk low and elbows supported against his knees.

“My, my, what a serious pose you’ve got there,” Gintoki commented, grabbing his attention.

“Gin-san!” Shinpachi exclaimed, surprised to see him standing a few feet from him. He did not realize that he would find him here, much less seek him out.

“That was rude, running out from your sister like that,” Gintoki said, taking a seat next to him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to,” Gintoki replied, sighing as his butt met with the cold, harsh wooden bench.

“I take it my sister had asked us to help out preparing for the wedding?” Shinpachi asked.

“And for a measly seventy-thousand-yen paycheck too,” Gintoki sighed. “Honestly, that money will not survive a week—at least, the tax we’re paying is coming back to us.”

Shinpachi chuckled. Of course, money will always be an issue for the Yorozuya.

Both men sat there in silence. They settled for watching the snow-filled pavement, the snow-filled treetops, the frozen lake and the passing people, all clad in warm coats and scarves. Suddenly, Gintoki felt a little off on the idea of silence and placed a hand on Shinpachi’s shoulder, tapping it, “your sister and her soon-to-be husband is actually staying at your household” he said, breaking the silence. “How’d you feel about that?”

The younger man was surprised, to say the least. Gintoki knew that he got response he wanted.

The shock painted in his face was immediately washed by guilt. Shinpachi averted his eyes and gazed on the snow once again. “ _Aneue_ ” he simply murmured.

“She won’t be leaving you, even if she is marrying,” Gintoki said. “You don’t really have to worry—but of course, that is a little immature of you to be unable to let your sister go.”

“I know… I-I know that,” Shinpachi mumbled, “I have no excuse for that.”

“I thought you said you were willing to let your sister go if she finally finds someone she’ll be willing to love.”

“I know I said that.”

“I guess that I could understand since it’s the gorilla she’s marrying.”

“Gin-san, please!” Shinpachi snapped, “don’t rub it anymore than you have to.”

“Oi, oi what’s this? You raising your voice on me now? You’re acting like a little brat throwing a petty tantrum. Honestly, after seeing you grow all these years, I had hoped you have already grown a little more mature. You’re already a man, right? Then, act your age and fulfill those words you said years ago and let your sister move on with her life. She cannot be there for you always. She has her own life to take care of but, she ain’t leaving you alone either, although she might’ve. It just proves how much she loves you too much and does not trust you enough to watch over the house. You might say, I’m rubbing salt on those wounds, but to me, I’m reminding you not to weigh more worries for your sister and for yourself.”

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi started, “I know all of it, I realized that I’m being childish and petty and no matter how much I try, I couldn’t force myself to face it. I knew at some point we would move on with life and we wouldn’t have the time for each other like we did while we were younger but… why now? It’s all too soon—time is too fast.”

“If you ask me, it is about time that gorilla woman got married.”

A moment of silence between them followed. All that Shinpachi could hear was the faint cheering of children playing in the playground, the cars zooming past from the highway, the gust of cold wintry air, and the crunching of snow as Gintoki tapped his foot on the snowy pavement. These sounds were enough for Shinpachi to finally calm himself down and rethink, and he thanked Gintoki silently that he had let him.

If He were honest, it was all true, Tae was of marrying age and unfortunately, all her suitors have been the drunkards and patrons at the cabaret she had been working at for the past six years. All of them disgusted Tae and rejected them with a powerful uppercut whilst maintaining her gentle demeanor and Shinpachi had been relieved that none of them pleased his sister. None of them would appeal to him, either. However, when Tae had opened the door to let Kondo in her life, Shinpachi grew confused and worried about her sister’s sanity. His four eyes could not adjust enough at the sight in front of him. Years after Tae constantly rejected the police chief, she just suddenly gave him a chance and although Shinpachi had refused to admit it, his sister finally abled herself to be happy. He remembered his promise from years ago, the declaration he had spat when he took on an entire house of master fencers. Maybe, it had something to do with Kondo being his future brother-in-law (after all), or maybe it was because he still could not understand the total 180 change Tae had. Maybe it was because love had become blinding after all. Shinpachi did not understand it at all—maybe that was why he could not accept it.

“Honestly, Patsuan,” Gintoki drawled, “I don’t understand why your sister chose to marry the gorilla, but I chose not to understand it and focused on the fact that your sister is actually happy… I guess that is what love does to people.”

Shinpachi forced himself to take a sideways glance at Gintoki who was surprisingly looking at him with a calming demeanor. Gintoki was smiling warmly at him, comforting him, sudden warmth blossomed at his chest. Shinpachi did not know how, but the man beside him somehow had some sort of superpower and he had been able to read his thoughts. The older man placed a hand on his hair and ruffled it, and sneezed as the snowflakes falling off reached his nose.

He was right. Gin-san had been right… as usual.

A hand clutched on Gintoki’s wrist and pried it off his head, a grunt coming off from his mouth. Shinpachi was finally able to smile. He rested his back against the bench and stared at the view in front of him. Shinpachi felt a warm feeling inside his chest, seeing this timeless view in front of him.

One day, maybe he will understand. For now, he wants to settle with the smile on his sister’s face.

* * *

“Since when the hell did you started smoking?” Kagura inquired.

He would be lying if he said he expected her—let alone, talk with him.

Sougo had been wandering around aimlessly, doing ‘patrol’. Really, he was just slacking off, diverting with his squad who were on patrol that day. He did not mean to end up on the familiar little bridge, overlooking the stream. He had been sneaking a smoke, standing above the bridge for gods know how long. He did not mean to smoke—he did not like the smell of it, or how filthy it felt inhaling the damn smoke—but now he knows why Hijikata liked this stuff. He was not yet totally addicted, but he would have a smoke every once in a while, a way of releasing stress. Another puff of smoke, he plopped his arm on the wooden railing, the cigarette loosely hung in between his fingers, his back hunched and his weight dependent on the railing. He had been staring at the murky water, watching it freely flow along with the current. Some days, it was clear and transparent, some days, it was a little green and today, it had an unusual dark and murky undertone despite the transparency. It did not occur to him when the color of the water suddenly became more fascinating.

Sougo did not answer her question and just threw the cigarette butt on the wooden floor and stomping on it to kill the flame.

After a while of silence, he felt the familiar presence nearing. Footsteps grew closer and shade was hovering over him. It was midday, and while the sun was not visibly present, its warming light was. Kagura had her umbrella over the both of them. Sougo was still hunched forward, his arms folded up on the railings, his chin resting above his hands. She was munching on her favorite _sukonbu,_ earning a chortle from the man beside her.

“Your taste buds never changed, huh, China?”

Sougo took a good look at the woman beside him. Kagura had a part of her hair in a bun, under the familiar hair ornament she had worn all these years. The rest of her vermillion hair fell like a waterfall, cascading down, reaching her lower back. She was clad in a white cheongsam and she was draped in a wool coat and a scarf around her neck. Sougo did not know when she had received these clothes or when she decided to opt for a different hairstyle, only that it suited her very well with a silent wish that she would dress like that more often.

“Quit smoking,” Kagura said, in a very commanding tone. “That is bad for you, yes.”

“You don’t get to order me around, China,” he replied.

“Don’t let Mayora influence you too much.”

Sougo scoffed, “I smoked because I wanted to,” he replied. “Hijikata-san had nothing to do with that.”

“Why the hell did you want to smoke anyway?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“What an idiotic response.”

She did not press further. Silence subdued them for a while, with both of them watching the water flow instead. It was not awkward, nor it was a comforting silence—maybe it was somewhere between. Kagura had been walking around the district for a while now, somehow hoping that she would run into the police captain. It was inevitable—they needed to talk, about everything that happened between them recently. She actually took the walk to clear her thoughts, having enough of being restless and somewhat disoriented. Her heart felt like it was being jabbed, her stomach is filled with annoying butterflies, all because of the taupe haired police captain beside her. Kagura did not think it would lead to this—since she was fourteen, they were rivals, always determined in settling a score, to prove that they were stronger than the other. Six years came by in a flash, it was a begrudging and bothersome bond that linked them. They have proven that they could fight alongside one another, work together, understand one another—maybe going as far as becoming friends. Kagura did not know when the line of friendship was crossed and surpassed. She did not even know when she came to like that stupid sadist, but she knows it is always there. Sougo never really surprised her before—his moves were palpable, his strength never overwhelmed her, his moral code was rather complex, actually—but this time, she was actually, awfully surprised.

He is not leaving, nor did show any sign of leaving. Kagura liked it that way, as it was much easier than trying to chase him.

“I wanted to kiss you back, yes,” Kagura said, referring to his surprising kiss weeks ago.

Sougo blinked, there was surprise in his eyes before he wiped it off with his usual coolly attitude. “Why didn’t you?” Sougo asked, still nonchalant as ever.

“It surprised me,” Kagura replied. “You were very surprising, yes.”

Sougo felt very proud from her reply that he managed a nifty little smirk. A momentary silence took over once again.

“Last night—” Kagura spoke, a little careful this time.

 _Ah, that._ Sougo let out an inaudible sigh. Of course, sooner or later, he has to face what happened the night before. Honestly, he could not believe it himself when he found himself in front of the Yorozuya apartment that prior night, faintly hearing their yelling and barking, their trademark banter. He knocked—knocked again—and again, louder this time before an annoying, whining voice drew near the door— _China’s._ Seriously, he could never imagine, could never believe that that voice is the voice he wants to hear greeting him when he comes home, to be the first thing greeting him in the morning and the last thing he hears every night. When she slid the _shoji_ open, revealing her disheveled twin tails, scratches and a bruise on her left eye, her tattered clothes, reeking of hotpot, Sougo could not believe that this is the face he wants to come home to everyday, to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes (or when he lifts his sleeping mask) and the last thing he sees before he closes them. He did not know what compelled him to visit her that night but what he had originally planned to do was entirely different to what he had said.

“What about it?” Sougo asked.

“What the hell was that? You’ve got screws loose, yes.”

“I could arrest you for disrespecting a police officer,” he reminded. “Also, you’re hurting my feelings.”

“That was a shitty proposal, yes,” Kagura remarked. “You kissed me and you told me to forget it and then, suddenly, weeks later, you knock on my door and asked me to marry you.”

“At least, I knocked,” he replied.

“And look at the mess you’ve made last night.”

“It was not me who screamed, insulted and threatened to kill someone,” Sougo shot back. “It was you who destroyed the shoe cabinet and nearly flung your table at the door.”

“You asked me to marry you! _You!”_ Kagura gritted, “you son of a bitch, why the hell should I marry you? We’re not even dating, yes, much less friends—you insult me, saying I’m not worth kissing and then you ask me to marry you like it’s nothing? Do people on Earth ask for marriage so casually like that to whoever they want? It’s insulting, yes!”

“China,” he said. “I want you—to be mine, to be called my wife. Shouldn’t it be obvious that at this point, my feelings for you are very clear?”

Kagura felt her cheeks blushing, her whole body warming up, an unsettling knot on her stomach. To be hearing these words from Okita Sougo was sending her in a frenzy. She stayed quiet for a while, thinking of the words to reply, and she settled with. “What about weeks ago, when you kissed me—”

“Obviously, I was saving myself from humiliation,” he replied. “But I’m serious about how I feel. Do you still not get it? Or are you clearly airheaded to not realize someone is batting his heart out?”

“I understand it well and I’m not doubting it, yes,” she said. “But you could at least let me know or at least ask if I feel the same—"

“I love you, China,” it was not nonchalant, rather, it was packed with a bit of emotion. “Do you feel the same?” he asked.

 _Honestly,_ Kagura feigned a sigh. She was not going to get the response she wanted in the way she wanted it to be but it can never be helped with that damned sadist. He just loves making it hard for her. He was just not the romantic trope. Without further ado, she answered, “yes.”

Silence. Pathetic, utter _silence._

 _What’s with this silence?_ Kagura was annoyed at how silence always takes over their conversation. She could do with just the two of them, straightening this whole mess out, but no, silence would always have to butt in. Kagura was getting annoyed with it but then again, she does not know how to break the silence once more. She wished for a response from Sougo—anything would do, really, but none came—just utter, depressing, uncomfortable _silence._ She looked at Sougo, with an annoyed look on her face, ready to complain but as soon as she landed her eyes on him, her annoyance melted right away. A _smile_ —Sougo did not do anything to be discreet nor deny it. He had a smile on his face, a genuine and proud smile. Kagura could only smile in return.

She placed a hand on her railing, a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She can finally breathe without tension, clear her mind with nothing to lose, finally finding her resolve. Maybe it was her fault that she did not kiss back in time that night, maybe she should not have screamed and tried to kill him when he blatantly and casually proposed to her, maybe he should have, at least, conveyed his feelings better, maybe he should at least tried to woo her first before proposing, maybe they should stop being crazy idiots—it did not matter now.

“You’re crazy, yes,” Kagura could only mutter. “Having the guts to come to my door and propose after your stunt weeks ago.”

“I didn’t want to lose to Kondo-san,” Sougo answered, and before he had any chance to be misread, he corrected himself. “Don’t get me wrong—after Kondo-san announced that he was finally getting married to the boss lady, he was very happy and although I only the wish the best for him, I was a little envious that he is finally happy and so after the celebration, I went to seek you out and I wanted to fix my mistake, even if I wasn’t certain about your response.”

“I understand,” Kagura said before her features shifted into an outrage. “W-wait—the gorilla is getting married to _anego_?!”

“Kagura,” he had called her attention very easily. Sougo lifted his torso up, straightening his posture. He turned towards her and took a step closer. “Humor me for a moment,” he slowly leaned down.

“Now?” Kagura asked, “really?”

Sougo just answered with a nod. He cupped her cheek with one hand and the other was snaking up on her forearm, with a gentle grasp—something very new for Kagura. He inched his face closer, closing his eyes. Kagura snaked a hand on his nape, feeling the strands of his hair tickling the back of her hand, while the other hand clutched tightly on her purple parasol. Sougo tilted her chin up and felt their faces touching, catching a whiff of _sukonbu_ on her breath when suddenly, Kagura had let go of her parasol, tugged on the fabric of his clothes tightly and before he knew it, she had flung him off the bridge with her inhumane strength.

High-pitched laughter rang in the air, and the water jostled and splashed, an angry holler coming from below the bridge, “what the fuck was that for?!”

Kagura jumped off and was joining him in the water, with her parasol in hand, aiming her feet at him to meet with his face. Sougo managed to block it and push her away. Kagura landed with ease at a distance, closing her parasol and fixing her stance. She smirked back at Sougo who was flashing a menacing, sadistic glare back at her. “That was dangerous,” he hissed, peeved at her sly move.

Their fists clashed, catching up on each other. They wrestled, their kicks glided, hitting the chest, the face, the arm, the leg. Kagura aims another kick for Sougo’s head however, he blocked with his arm. He quickly grabbed Kagura’s foot and flung her towards the stone wall but with her quick reflexes, her hands landed on the wall and recoiled, landing on the water but before Kagura could even fix her posture, a sheathed katana was aiming to strike. She caught the scabbard with her hand and kneed Sougo before she retreated to get her weapon. He chased after her and struck again, but she blocked successfully with her purple parasol and retaliated with bashing her head at his, sending him flying. After recovering, Sougo lunged at her but Kagura was ready.

Fighting like this, they did not care about the damage they caused, how much time they had taken, how tired and exhausted they are—all that mattered was the adrenaline pumping through their veins, how their blood boiled and how fast their hearts were pumping. This was the way they communicate, their way to greet each other, their way to say goodbye, the way they say ‘I care’. This is where they understood each other the best. The pain they inflicted at each other, for them, that was not pain at all, it was their way of conveying emotions—whatever it may be. In the end, both of them looked like shit, with cuts and bruises all over their body. Both of them were drenched wet and dirty. Kagura’s beautiful white cheongsam and wool coat was filled with muck that is sure will take a hard time getting clean, but she did not care at the moment. Sougo’s tidy black uniform was crumpled and smelling like shit, but he did not mind.

“Ain’t dead yet?” Kagura quipped, in between pants. They were currently across each other, backs rested at the stone walls which were probably covered in a lot of moss. Sougo was panting too, she could determine with her half-lidded eyes.

“You’re getting weaker, China,” he huffed, “—that all you’ve got?”

Kagura wanted to laugh, if not for the pain in her stomach. Sougo got her good there—a swift kick to the stomach that send her body flying against the stone wall. Kagura had admit that the drainage canal was a bad place to pick a fight as the smell was getting to her and sticking to her clothes, but there was nothing she could do about it now. Kagura clutched her stomach while propping herself up. “Sougo,” she called, muzzily making her way towards him. She knelt down in front of him and pressed her lips to his, startling the man.

Sougo was quick to respond as he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her closer.

“I wouldn’t mind being like this, if it’s you,” Kagura said, in between the kiss before pulling away enough for her to flash a smile at him. Sougo smiled back, caressing her cheek.

Despite the cold weather, for some reason, it was uncharacteristically warm.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it here, thank you very much. I really hope I did not go too OOC on the characters. I intended them to be a little mature in this but, I dunno if I succeeded. Please leave any response and kudos, and criticisms are very much welcome.
> 
> Edit: I proof-read and found some cringey and disgusting grammar mistakes. I hoped that it didn't inconvenience anyone... also, thank you for your support in this work.


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